priestess while there was still time to back away. As if Cappie really had the
temperament for such a job! I loved the man, I truly did, but he was hopeless
when it came to interacting with people. Whenever I tried to talk about
feelings, his or mine, he'd think I was asking foradvice! He'd completely miss
the point, or squirm uncomfortably, or...
I kicked myself for thinking of the male Cappie again. The female version was
almost an unknown quantity; I'd only seen her through my male half's eyes, and
I knew better than to trusthis judgment.
Still... Cappie as priestess?I'd make a better priestess than she would.
Wouldn't I?
Would I?
Hmmm.
It would be a good position for me: prestigious, but not onerous. I'd still
have ample free time to practice violin and jaunt down-peninsula to earn gold
at festivals. I wouldn't be allowed to marry Cappie, but I could still keep
him as a lover... a live-in lover, and not cooped up in a tiny fish-smelling
cabin: the priestess's house was quite spacious. And because I wasn'tmarried,
I'd still be free for any sweet-smelling Yoskar I might meet when I went south
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to play.
You didn't expect me to be more of a saint than my male self, did you?
Since I was in my male body, I had to pretend to be Male-Me... and as I
reached the cabin porch, I stopped to ponder if he would knock on the door or
just barge in unannounced. He prided himself on being a gentleman, but only on
those rare occasions when it occurred to him there was more than one way to
behave. I decided to knock, then tromp inside without waiting to be invited it
seemed like an appropriate combination of surface courtesy and self-centered
entitlement. Being such an obvious lout made me queasy, but I didn't want
Cappie to think I was anyone more than my unsubtle male self.
I knocked. I tromped. I said, "Hi."
Leeta was rocking in the chair by our fireplace; Cappie sat on the floor a
short distance away, knees hugged up to her chest. They had the air of people
talking about such important things that they hadn't spoken for several
minutes. When they turned to look at me, their expressions were more surprised
than annoyed at the interruption.
"Weren't you going back to the marsh?" Cappie asked. Her voice almost
whispered; I suppose she was reluctant to speak any louder.
"No point to vigil anymore," I replied. "Like you told Hakoore, we aren't
going to catch ducks, not the way Steck ruined our nets. And when I thought of
sitting out there doing nothing, versus coming back to talk with you..."
Leeta shifted in the rocker. "If you two want to talk..."
"No." Cappie put a hand on Leeta's knee so the priestess stayed in the chair.
"I doubt if Fullin has talking in mind." With her gaze fixed on me, she closed
up the top few buttons of her shirt.
"Oh,please," I told her with wounded dignity, "when I say 'talk,' I mean
'talk.' If Steck hadn't interrupted us in the marsh, I would have done it
there."
"Do you expect me to believe that? You've avoided things for months "
"And I don't want to keep avoiding them until it's too late. Look, Cappie,
I've been telling myself for weeks that tonight's the night to settle
everything. I thought we'd be alone on vigil and we wouldn't have any
distractions..."
"We're alone every night, Fullin. We have this cabin all to ourselves."
"No we don't the kids are always here. But tonight Waggett's with my father
and Pona's with your family... this is our chance."
"Don't worry about me," Leeta said, placing her plump little hand on Cappie's
shoulder. "We can talk about being priestess another time."
"But..."
"I'm not going to die before you get back," she told Cappie with a reproving
smile. "And it's important for you and Fullin to clear the air before
tomorrow. You know it is."
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"Definitely," I agreed. "We shouldn't be mad at each other tomorrow."
Cappie stared at me, obviously wondering if I was up to some trick. I met her
gaze with all the sincerity I could muster, warning myself to be careful she
might wear men's clothes, but this Cappie wasn't the male version I knew so
well. I couldn't take anything for granted.
"All right," she sighed. "I'll let you talk."
"Don't just talk," Leeta said, getting to her feet. "You have to listen
too both of you." She took a step toward the door, then turned back to Cappie.
"And if you decide in the end that you want to Commit male, do what's right
for your life. There are other women in the village who could become
priestess."
"Sure," I nodded. "For all we know,I might end up Committing female. Then I
could be priestess."
I laughed lightly, in the hope they wouldn't think about that too seriously;
but both of them gave me a look, as if they were far from sure I was joking.
"Okay," Cappie said. "Talk."
I took a deep breath. She was standing beside the door, having just closed it
behind Leeta. I leaned against the cold stone fireplace, directly across the
room from her I had the impression that Male-Me did a lot of leaning against
things. Men do.
"Well?" Cappie asked.
"Okay," I told her, "it's just... it's been a bit of a bad year for us,
hasn't it?"
"That's like saying a tornado is a bit of a bad wind."
"It hasn't beenthat horrible," I protested. "We've stumbled along. Still...
this is hard on my pride, but when I'm a guy I'm colossally stupid.
Self-centered. Obnoxious even. I have no idea why any woman would... never
mind. Things were better last year, weren't they? When you were the boy and I
was the girl?" [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]